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An Ode to Oracle’s Cloud…

September 22nd, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments
SAN FRANCISCO - SEPTEMBER 24:  Oracle CEO Larr...
Image by Getty Images via @daylife

Try not to be
such an Oracle Hater,
Build a big, honkin’ Cloud:
Exalogic &  -data

It’s fluffy & shiny
it’s new & fantastic
It scales like butta,
cos it’s so damned elastic

It may cost you millions,
but it’ll save you a buck.
Is it really a cloud?
Larry don’t give a f*ck.

It’ll castigate partners
and alienate friends
it’s got unbreakable linux
and it also self-mends

The kernel is magic,
OVM’s where it’s at
Some might disagree,
especially RedHat

Infiniband, ten Gig,
many Sun-powered cores
It’s got enough cycles
for HPC chores

The issue some have,
is Larry’s evil plot
It’s really quite simple,
a mortgage and yacht.

It’s like “War of the Roses,”
‘tween Big O, Salesforce
Gets ugly in the  Valley
when partners divorce

Some CEO’s chide Larry,
and others, they scoff.
Some fire back with venom
like Mark Benioff

It’s a False Cloud, a Non-Cloud
“We’re like A-W-S”
this marketing plan
is one freakin’ mess

Just one file to patch it,
it’s IT on demand.
It’s a mainframe with JBoss,
can’t you understand!?

It’ll take all you can give it,
all you can muster,
It scales from one
to an eight headed cluster

At the end of the day,
from morning to nox
take comfort that Cloud
now comes in a box.

P.S. You may be interested in other little ditties I have scratched into existence, here.

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  1. Reillyusa
    September 22nd, 2010 at 17:27 | #1

    A cloud in a box ?
    Oh joy, just my luck,
    It does nothing special and
    Is proprietary as fuck

    I tried all I could muster
    Gave all that I'd got
    I bought Exa-Thingy
    Just a sail for his yacht

    So now I have Exa
    How proudly I stand
    I have one last question
    It's Infiniband ?

    So come buy Exa-Thingy
    I shouted out loud, for
    According to Larry
    It's the future of Cloud

    Well I've seen the future, and
    It saved you a buck ?
    It's "The Cloud" as you want it ?
    Erm..nah, is it fuck.

    Just two years ago and
    Almost to the day
    On the topic of Cloud
    You had this much to say

    "This is just too confusing
    It's not what you do"
    (coz our licensing model
    Is per C P U)

    So let's buy all the upstarts
    Crush them til we're done
    Oh Christ, answer one question…
    Who the fuck bought up Sun ?

    For they had some products
    That were superb, of course
    "I order you kill them"
    (for they were Open Source)

    So let Larry think
    Cloud's no longer a farce
    But you can shove Exa-Thingy
    Straight up your fat arse

  2. December 15th, 2010 at 11:47 | #2

    @Reillyusa

    It's a veerrryyyyy nice-a!

    ;)

  1. September 23rd, 2010 at 00:41 | #1
  2. September 23rd, 2010 at 00:41 | #2
  3. September 24th, 2010 at 08:49 | #3
  4. September 25th, 2010 at 01:15 | #4