Home > Jackassery, Social Media > You Might Be A Social Media Expert If…

You Might Be A Social Media Expert If…

My friend Dave Shackleford made one innocent little quip about social media experts on Twitter yesterday and in a fit of caffeine inspired (a)muse(ment) I went on a little rant.

Sung to the tune of Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck…”:

  1. “If you think twitter is a sexual position, you might be a social media expert”
  2. “If the top three items in your browser history include the words “singles” “dating” or “matematch,” you might be a social media expert”
  3. “If your idea of fast food is ordering your X-Large pizza online — for yourself only — you might be a social media expert”
  4. “If you go to tweet-ups to pick up on women…you might be a social media expert”
  5. “If you’ve ever asked someone to become a Facebook fan of YOU, you might be a social media expert”
  6. “If you’ve ever broken up with someone over twitter & mistakenly @’d instead of DM’ing them, you might be a social media expert”
  7. “If your mom has more Facebook friends and Twitter followers than you do — some of whom she’s met– you might be a social media expert”
  8. “If you apply the David Koresh definition of ‘followers’ to Twitter, you might be a social media expert”
  9. “If you’ve ever sent defensive DM’s to @beaker because you’re offended by his SocMed jokes, you’re def. a fscking Social Media expert
  10. “If you had no idea ponies don’t really come in pink with bedazzled outfits, you might be a social media expert”
  11. “If you’ve ever tweeted for help on how to operate a power tool in real-time, you might be a social media expert”
  12. “If your idea of a hot date is the poetry aisle @ Barnes & Nobles on ‘Middle Eastern Comedy Reading Night’ you might be a SocMed Expert”
  13. “If your idea of a pet is a LOLcat that uses kitty twitter, you might be a social media expert”
  14. “If you went to Defcon and had a shirt made that said “I poked your mom on Facebook” to wear to the invite-only FB party that night, you…oh”
  15. “If you have seen, let alone own, ‘Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo,’ you might be a social media expert”
  16. “If you’ve EVER said ‘Thunderbirds are go!’ at a party that involved alcohol and people over 23, you might be a social media expert”
  17. “If your idea of a tough workout is 10 minutes on the Wii Fit, you might be a social media expert”

Here are some of the contributions that my like-minded and sheepish followers penned:

  1. If you use your WiiFit to update your statistics on Facebook and MySpace, you might be a social media expert [@n0b0d4]
  2. If you’ve ever suggested a IPS and SIEM based on Twitter, you might be a Social Media expert *looks at @Beaker* [@innismir]
  3. If you named your twins Tweet and Retweet, you might be a social media expert [@n0b0d4]
  4. If you refuse to talk to your parents because they aren’t on Facebook and Twitter, you might be a social media expert [@n0b0d4]
  5. You know you’re a social media expert when…you can celebrities look at you followers and are jealous [@n0b0d4]
  6. If people send help when you haven’t tweeted in 3 hours, you might be a social media expert? [@samj - in response to my CTO wondering why I was MIA from Twitter for 3 hrs ;)]
  7. If you bought a book of funny quotes cause you thought it would make for interesting tweets, you might be a social media expert. [@pcalvin]
  8. If you stopped posting for 1 day and people start asking if you’re ok, you might be a social media expert. [@lonervamp]
  9. If you learned how to dance from Dance Dance Revolution, you might be a social media expert [@noora_freedman]
  10. If followe[rs|es] exceeds your dunbar number by an order of magnitude you might be a social media expert <- works for monkeys too [@samj]
  11. If you’ve ever cared whether or not someone follows you back you might be a social media expert. [@samj]
  12. If you shake hands by making sure to follow everyone who follows you, you might be a social media expert [@jamesurquhart]
  13. If the thousands of hours you spent playing Everquest are finally paying off, you might be a social media expert. [@jamesurquhart]
  14. If you’ve ever left a meeting with your CIO to finish a tweet you might be a social media expert [@andywillingham]
  15. If you’ve ever won a blogworld pass with a tweet, you might be a social media expert [@n0b0d4]
  16. If you refer to Friendster as the historic way people used to communicate, you might be a social media expert [@munozrick]
  17. If you follow 10,000 people but only 20 follow you back, you might be a social media expert” [@vmdoug]
  18. If your idea of a great book title is “How to win followers and influence people”, you might be a social media expert. [@daveshackleford]
  19. If you count the letters in every sentence as you write, you might be a social media expert” [@munozrick]
  20. If you become anxious about the number of API calls left in your Twitter client, you might be a social media expert. [@daveshakleford]
  21. If you’ve ever switched Twitter clients to avoid RT your own lame joke, you might be a social media expert [@n0b0d4]
  22. If you can’t live without your Flip Video camera, you might be a social media expert. [@dirflash]
  23. If you think hashtags should not be removed from mattresses, you might be a social media expert. [@lmclaughlin]
  24. If you’ve ever though 140 characters is too much, you might be a social media expert [@n0b0d4]
  25. If you have ever switched the keys on your keyboard around just to keep life interesting…you might be a social media expert [@cparadis_]

/Hoff

Categories: Jackassery, Social Media Tags:
  1. July 10th, 2009 at 04:13 | #1

    If you post a blog entry with jokes about being a social media expert, you might be a social media expert.

  2. Anon
    July 11th, 2009 at 04:58 | #2

    Beaker, sorry to say that this rant make me unfollow you. I'll stick to your blog for now…be careful of the echo chamber, it's sucking you in.

  3. July 11th, 2009 at 07:05 | #3

    @Anon

    Hysterical for three reasons:

    (1) You un-followed me on Twitter and then posted on my blog to tell me

    (2) You did so anonymously

    (3) You warned me about being sucked into an echo chamber after clearly enjoying hearing yourself speak, even when leaving.

    You're a social media expert, right? Thanks for playing!

  4. July 15th, 2009 at 07:16 | #4

    Love it. I can personally relate to many of these. I think my favorite ar re-branded corporate communications types who have never written a blog, posted a tweet, joined a conversation, had a debate, lost, won, or publicly embarrassed themselves who of course know so much more than you about social mediums. (even worse is the ones who point out a typo, for some reason that gets me)

    dg

  5. April 14th, 2011 at 17:15 | #5

    Social media (or collaborative technology, as some now prefer in the enterprise world) is deeply woven into the fabric of both my work and personal life. On the IT journalism side, I use social media to find sources, provide live coverage of events, gauge sentiment, distribute content, track news and fact-check stories. When I’m not focused on work, I use social media to stay in touch with friends, family, former colleagues and classmates, find out what’s happening around whatever city I’m in or check on the status of events or government services. I try to use the various platform to get smarter.

  1. July 10th, 2009 at 13:17 | #1
  2. March 19th, 2010 at 08:50 | #2